Gilmore Girls Hates Surrogacy
Gilmore Girls is streaming on Netflix. Don’t watch it if you care about surrogacy.
I have never been a fan of Gilmore Girls, and I can confidently say I never will be.
Why? Because Gilmore Girls hates surrogacy.
There are two episodes in the series that discuss surrogacy. I want to go over them, and I want to respond to what the characters say in the show.
I want to emphasize that I will be referencing the exact words from the episodes. It was unbelievable to me how horrific the language was around surrogates and surrogacy, so that is why I am highlighting this.
Lastly, I have to provide a disclaimer that the language used in the show - especially in the second episode - is truly terrible and may be disturbing to intended parents (IPs), surrogates, and current parents navigating surrogacy.
Original Show (2002), Season 3, Episode 18: Starting around 32 Minutes
In this scene, one of the main characters, Luke, is meeting the parents of a lawyer he is dating. His date’s father is also a lawyer, and before dinner, the two lawyers like to engage in legal banter around a controversial topic. This time, they are discussing surrogacy.
The father robotically takes the position that surrogacy is a ‘business agreement’ because surrogates are paid and their medical expenses are covered by IPs. Given the contractual nature of surrogacy, he believes it should be as valid as any other business deal.
His daughter quickly and without additional context states that such an agreement should not be permitted because:
‘When a woman is alone and in need of money she will do things she later regrets.’
Then the daughter lawyer adds:
‘You cannot force a mother to give up her child.’
These really are two great legal minds at work here. In a few seconds, they have taught the audience the following about surrogacy:
Only vulnerable, impoverished, single women who are desperate become surrogates.
Surrogates are the mother of the child.
Surrogacy is nothing more than a business agreement.
In 2002 when this episode aired, this is what Gilmore Girls taught the world about surrogacy.
The most egregious of these statements is that the surrogate is the mother of the child. In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate has contributed no genetic material, and - most importantly - she does not want to be the mother. The intended parent - whether a mother or a father - is the child’s parent. The surrogate is not a mother or a parent and has no desire to be one.
In terms of who becomes a surrogate, this is a topic I have written about several times before, and there is good research in the U.S. to show that surrogates do not conform to the profile described above. A research study in October 2024 demonstrated that the majority of surrogates in the U.S.
Do not have low socio-economic status.
Have a medium to high level of education.
Are employed with an above average income.
Have their own medical insurance.
Also, the primary motivation for these women to become surrogates was altruistic, not financial. They wanted to help people build a family, not just have a ‘business agreement.’
I have even asked this question before on Gay Dad Reporter, writing the article, ‘Why Do Women Become Gestational Carriers?’ My research demonstrated that women become gestational carriers, or surrogates, for 3 main reasons:
They like being pregnant.
They value family and children.
They had a positive exposure to surrogates and the process of surrogacy earlier in their lives.
These are women motivated to help and share the gift of family. Is the money nice? Yes, of course. But also, shouldn’t they get paid? They are providing an important fertility service. No one would ever dream of not paying the doctors or lawyers involved in assisted reproduction. I believe compensating surrogates is more ethical than not, given the risk they are taking on. However, the financial aspect can never be coercive, and in the U.S. there are medical and legal clearances performed to ensure this is not the case.
This episode was over 20 years ago. A lot has changed in the world of assisted reproduction in that time. However, if you want to give Gilmore Girls some slack, wait until you hear what they said in 2016.
Revival (2026), Season 1, Episode 1: Starting around 50 Minutes
About 10 years ago, Gilmore Girls had a single season comeback. We catch up with the characters, and two of the main characters (Luke and Lorelai) are now a couple and are discussing having their own child together.
They both have adult children and are older, so fertility is not on their side. Without discussing how fertile either of them are, Lorelai is seen watching a TV show where the characters talk about surrogacy.
She has an idea.
In the next scene, we see Lorlelai and Luke at a surrogacy agency. That was fast.
While waiting to be seen, they are given a binder of surrogate profiles. First, let me say that you do not get a binder of surrogates to choose from. The process of matching with a surrogate is much more involved, detailed, and personal, and it takes months. This is something my husband and I have become ‘experts’ at, but the point is, this is completely misleading.
After opening the binder, Luke says:
‘Am I supposed to be having sex with these women?’
No, that is not how this works. At all. However, the show does not even take the time to address this disgusting ‘joke.’ They lean into it, and Lorelai asks if Luke would want to have sex with them. We are relieved of this distasteful humor by the entrance of the worst character of the show: Paris, the surrogacy liaison.
Paris takes Luke and Lorelai into her office, where she proclaims that Dynasty Makers is the largest full service fertility clinic and surrogacy agency in Western Hemisphere. Not only that, they have the best Yelp reviews. In line with 2002 Gilmore Girls, the show is still treating surrogacy like a superficial ‘business.’
Here’s where it gets really bad.
When Paris sees the binder Lorelai has been given to review potential surrogates, she takes it away from her and says the women in there are:
‘Bargain basement breeders.’
Paris has a history with Lorelai, and she wants to treat her like a VIP. She proudly says:
‘I’m not letting any of those bottle-service bimbos carry your baby. For you, I pull out the prime meat.’
To describe any person this way is beyond awful. To be a surrogacy liaison and describe people this way can mean only one thing: The Gilmore Girls show thinks that surrogacy agencies are the worst thing in the world.
Paris continues to dig herself into a deeper hole of hatefulness, as she launches into the PowerPoint presentation of the ‘prime meat.’ In a medically nonsensical segway, Paris touts the physical characteristics of these women as if they are going to impact the appearance of the child. She name drops Neil Patrick Harris (NPH) - who has had kids through surrogacy - as a former client. She encouraged NPH to accept only the best surrogate after Paris asked him:
‘Are you prepared to have a really unattractive child that will not look good on camera?’
Unless they are considering traditional surrogacy where the surrogate is also the egg donor, the surrogate places no part in the physical appearance of the child. However, traditional surrogacy is extremely rare compared to gestational surrogacy, where the egg donor and surrogate are separate women.
However, this entire storyline has been so confusing. We don’t even know if Lorelai has any fertility issues. We don’t even know if they have been having unprotected sex. Lorelai may be able to conceive. She may have her own eggs. Why are they not talking to a doctor about their fertility options and how they can get pregnant or make embryos through IVF? Choosing a surrogate is not the first step in any fertility journey, and I believe this show didn’t try to answer any of these logical, medical questions because all they wanted to do was vilify surrogacy.
At the end of the scene, Luke storms out saying ‘NO’ to surrogacy.
I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to pursue surrogacy either if that is how surrogates and IPs are treated.
Thankfully, Gilmore Girls is not reality, and that is not how our surrogacy journey or U.S. surrogacy in general actually is. Viewers may want to live in Stars Hollow, but you couldn’t pay me to live in a world where I have to work with Paris to have a family.
Final Thoughts: TV Shows are Forever
I know we can say that these episodes are decades old, but the problem is they are not. Whether they are uploaded to YouTube or licensed by Netflix, these nostalgic TV shows are finding a new audience every day. Also, that audience is no longer limited to the U.S. and is global.
In 2026, people all around the world are learning about surrogacy for the first time through Gilmore Girls. This is a problem. This is why articles like this have to be written. We have to counter the sensational and despicable representations of surrogacy in the media with objective research and real stories.
Surrogacy is complicated and challenging, but it is the only way some people can become parents. It should not be reduced to a punchline or a bad storyline in a TV show. It deserves the respect and depth it commands, and when done how it is meant to be, it is a beautiful gift that will allow my husband and me to become dads. This is worth fighting for, and I encourage all intended and current gay dads to speak up and counter misinformation like Gilmore Girls to help protect surrogacy for future generations.
